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You'll need, at minimum: pancake makeup, a hair tie, a bottle of nail polish, and various props (preferably food items). You'll also need a highly developed sense of humor and/or gnawing loneliness and/or a finely honed appreciation of the absurd.
你至少需要準備一下工具：化妝粉餅、蝴蝶結、一瓶指甲油、一堆小道具（最好是食物一類的）。你還需要濃厚的幽默感和（或）飽嘗單身之苦的心和（或）對荒謬事情的高度欣賞與熱愛。

Got all that? Great. Then follow these easy steps. And you, too, will be on your way to Instagrammed bliss.
這些都準備好了嗎？很好，按照下面的簡單步驟，你也能在網上發(fā)出一系列令人激動的圖片。

makeup

1. Apply makeup to the hand-skin. Preferably of a different color than your natural skin. Preferably onto your dominant hand.
先在手上做文章，最好把你的慣用手化妝成和自然膚色不同的顏色。

nails

2. Paint the fingernails of the dominant hand. Preferably pink. Allow to dry, approximately 15 minutes. Add a decorative hair tie to the wrist of the made-up, nail-painted hand.
在慣用手上涂指甲油。大概15分鐘后就全干了。這時再向化過妝、涂過指甲油的手上加點蝴蝶結配飾。

3. Go to a coffee shop, a park, or another other place you might frequent with an actual girlfriend. If necessary, simply simulate that spot.
去商店、公園或其它能經常遇到真正女朋友的地方。如果有必要的話，就自己設置一個那樣的景點。

4. Use your dominant hand to mimic the gestures an actual girlfriend might make while seated across from you: squeezing your cheeks, feeding you treats, lovingly wiping errant condiments from your lips.
想象真正的女朋友坐在對面時會做哪些手勢，再用慣用手模仿：捏臉蛋、喂吃的、溫柔地吧你嘴角邊的調料擦掉。

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5. Use your other hand to snap a selfie of the dominant hand doing its stuff. Adjust angles and camera depths as necessary.
在慣用手正忙活的時候，用另一只手設置定時拍攝拍照。必要的時候調整角度和景深。

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6. Filter the resulting images through one of Instagram's blurrier filters.
用圖片處理軟件將照片模糊化處理。

7. Post the filtered images to Instagram.
把照片發(fā)到網上。

8. Revel.
狂歡開始啦！